Let The Ball Drop

Clearly we've been through this before, another year, ball drops, resolutions being made and then reneged on and then made again... But at what point will we realize that the New Year is made up of 365 new days... and each one grants us the same opportunity to improve, strive, commit, and excel. Yes, there is something a bit more grandiose about making a change at the start of an entirely new calendar but fan fare rarely guarantees commitment lol the bottle popping usually comes after you have won the championship and not before. 

It is quite the daunting task to place the burden of an entire years worth of work on yourself at one time. I have never done anything for a year straight, never; ever... an entire year can feel like an eternity when it comes to fulfilling a commitment or making a change. Why not break it down a little bit; sure we should all set stretch goals so that we may envision the end and work our way backwards but it might serve us well to focus on smaller increments of time, like a day for instance. A day is manageable, 24 hours to commit to excellence, do all that you can with this day and watch what happens to the next. If we took the time to make each and every one of our days a win then the year would take care of itself. Like Will Smith said "you don’t set out to build a perfect wall, no, instead you focus on laying each and every brick as best you can and then the wall will take care of itself." 

I have heard and made New Year’s Resolutions that didn’t last through the night lol, it’s like sometimes we get so caught up in the moment of declaration that we forget about the work it will take to achieve that goal. There is nothing "resolute" about making a statement to appease the pain of the moment, just because you feel like you should and your upset that you haven’t doesn’t mean that from now on you will... Change is not made in such ways, regrets are. 

So with the New Year approaching let’s take the time to adjust our sights, stream line our goals, and really commit to change, just remember that there is nothing in the rules that says you can’t start today.

+

"Because I can’t afford to be any other way” This was my response when asked the question, why are you so positive...?  For a long time I shared the attitude of most people when it came to the struggles and daily battles of life.  I felt like a prisoner to circumstances that I thought were out of my control, things go bad or don’t work out and you ask questions like why me, why now, and will it ever get any easier...?  That attitude allows you to believe that life is happening to you, you are just at the mercy of each individual circumstance and there is nothing you can do but endure.  

Life is hard, that is a fact but to allow yourself to feel like a leaf in the wind, being carried and tossed around by circumstance is just weak and foolish.  What I have learned through all my ups and downs is that we have a great deal of control over what this life hands us. Sure there will be moments of discomfort but to allow yourself to fall victim to the day is unacceptable.  Life isn't happening to you, removing yourself from the responsibility of your circumstances is just ridiculous.  When wrong occurs your first action should be to honestly evaluate what YOU did and not list all the things that you believe were out of your control.  Discipline yourself and the world won’t have to do it for you...

In saying all of this, I recognize that something’s do “just” happen but I also recognize that they don’t “just” happen that often.  I choose to be positive and self evaluate, in doing so I have reaped the benefits... Am I where I ultimately want to be? No, but now I know what it will take to get there.  My new saying is "I don’t worry and I don’t whine."  I can say this with confidence because I believe in GOD and I believe in myself, with that I can’t lose.

Keep it 100

100 is a nice, full number in my estimation, a number that often stands for completion, very finite in its recognition. But I don't think I will recognize this milestone in that manner, instead I choose to view 100 as more of a speed bump than a destination. Today I post my 100th blog entry, isn't that something, I remember when I started this twisted compilation of my thoughts, emotions, and views. Who knew where it would go, who knew that my little blog would be viewed by every continent and over 4 thousand people.

Since I started putting my thoughts out there for all to view I have gone through some monumental changes. A new place, a new address, a new city or two, a new outlook on life and all it has to offer. My 100th anniversary is certainly a special one, today I stand as a man that knows what he is and what he is not. 100 marks a time and place that signifies growth, resolution, atonement, and love. Not angry but knowledgeable, not restless but content "no matter what my state". I come to you now, not as a man that thinks he has it all figured out but as a man wise enough to know he doesn't know shit and the best he can do is to be open to the experience and honest with his feelings. 100 huh, I'll take that; we have been on this journey together, you and I... Experiencing all of life's battles and pitfalls, giving each other the space to grow, to learn and to become who we were destined to be.

With this blog I offer you a platform to experience the soul of a young black man that has never met his dad, has a very unique relationship with his mother, and is the father to a beautiful little girl. I welcome your comments, thoughts and opinions; please feel free to offer responses to this post, previous ones, and all others to come. I thank you for reading and supporting my blog and I wish you all, as well as myself a Happy 100th.

Scar Tissue

Scars aren't supposed to bleed... No, a scar signifies that the wound has healed, that the pain has ceased.  But how often do our scars bare the emotions of moments past, pain that aches until what was supposed to be healed bleeds as if it were freshly cut.  The blood that scars produce is thick, much more primal than what the original wound spewed forth, this blood does not drip or run, no it oozes out like pus.  Painful and unpleasant best describes this purging of the past, our scars tell the stories of what we were and what we did, those scars... each one earned, a price had to be paid, a debt collected.  But somehow it isn't over; those experiences always come back and play a part in our today, no life without history, no now without then.  When scars bleed it allows the truth to seep out, not filtered by the mouths of liars and well wishers, just an uncut truth that has been earned over time and through experience.  When scars bleed, that's when we know that we're alive, our past is not our present and our future is not yet here.  Our scars tell the story of who we were then, the tales of men who once were boys, the pain and struggle that marks the progression to manhood.  

Some scars tell lies of their own, covered with skin and scab the healing looks to be in progress, if not complete.  But what lies under the surface is a wound that has yet to be addressed, a simmering sore of pain and emotion, just below the surface lies a volcano of hurt.  These are the scars that bleed, not band aide nor dressing can contain the blood that flows from these memories, that moment, this pain.  A man asked to become a father and a boy who never had one of his own, a man who knows what's right and should be done and a boy who doesn't even have respect for the title.  This scars blood has gone unnoticed for years though the stains were always there, never recognized but ever present. A scar made by a man, treated by a woman, and given to a boy. A wound so deep and disfiguring that it just became a part of who the boy was, like asking a child born without vision how it felt to be blind...?  If that is all you have ever known, what do you mean how does it feel? It doesn’t.... it provokes no emotion either way but it still has lasting effects.  It's funny how being born without affects everything you were born with...  

A scars blood signifying growth, change, acknowledgement, atonement... A wound that has finally been addressed and given time to properly heal.  

TOP Ramen

If it were easier to quit I'm sure I would have done it a long time ago but there is something in me that makes that impossible.  I guess you can call it pride but that really doesn't explain it, its more of a defiance, the same quality that prevents me from giving in is the same thing that gets me into trouble in the first place.  An arrogance that believes that the rules don't apply, not to me... I am the exception, I am forever going to be the one that got away with it, the one that bullied his way through and did it on his own terms.  The fact that the "rules" are consistently enforced and "life's" sentences are constantly carried out never deters me from living under this veil of superiority. How can the rules apply when we're not playing the same game?  "Clearly you are not special..."  But my belief that I am remains unshaken, the facts that are beginning to pile up to prove otherwise don't mean anything, well at least not to me. 

I came to realize a long time ago that the path I have chosen or the one that was chosen for me is going to be a rough one, so for me to have any chance of reaching the finish line I must remain confident that this is the right direction and I will eventually get there.  A few detours, some recalculating, but no stopping...

Believe

Let me ask you a question, do you believe? Well do you? Belief is a powerful thing, it's something that is very rare, most of us desire, wish, or want but very few of us truly believe. Belief takes commitment, it requires you to subdue all that is logical and rational, it demands an immersion of self. Things happen differently for believers; their lives play out over a grander scale than those who just wish, want, and desire. A believer can change the world; a believer can be so resolute in his or her convictions that they can inspire others to believe as they do. Believe... 

I believe I can and therefore I will, it's really that simple, true believers don’t dwell on small things; things like facts or history, no a true believer only has and needs one thing, their faith that it, whatever that "it" is will come to pass. You can’t tell me I won’t when I believe I will, that concrete foundation of self empowerment is unshakable. I believe, do you? 

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln

Now I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams.
Kanye West 

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. 

W. Clement Stone 

Never let life impede on your ability to manifest your dreams. Dig deeper into your dreams and deeper into yourself and believe that anything is possible, and make it happen.
Corin Nemec

To the degree that you believe, you will achieve.
James Allen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmpO6f2ZdcE

Summer Lovin

Dear Summer,

Well our time together is once again drawing to a close, damn it always seems like as soon as we get into a good groove one of us has to go.  Our relationship has always been one of near misses and brief encounters but this time, this time was special, this time was different.  What we accomplished in these three short months may change our lives forever... I knew it was time for us to take our relationship to the next level but you were always so nervous, scared that things might change between us or that I might find someone new. Well, to be honest I was nervous too, change is always scary but there is no way I could ever find someone to replace you, never.

I know we have a few weeks left together but it saddens me to know that once again you will be leaving, another long, cold, time where we will go without a warm embrace.  Sure you'll pop up here and there to surprise me like you always do; those meetings just make me want you even more.  Our relationship has been so special, even in childhood it was just you and me, us against the world, from getting into trouble to discovering who we really are... I know you have to go but before you leave I hope you understand that no matter what you will always hold a special place in my heart.

                                                                                              Love,

                                                                                              Juice

P.S. I've been cheating on you with your friend "fall", she's kind of cool and I think it might be getting serious...

The Ties That Bind

I know why they say when it's over, it's over and you should just cut all ties. I know why being friends is stupid, a pointless attempt at holding on to something that is just not there anymore and well never be there again. I don't want it anymore; I don't want to feel like I'll accept anything just so that I will have something. I don't want you to have that power over me, the power to change my mood with just a few words, the power to make it all go away with a smile... I know why some things are just better left alone, just letting the past be the past. I can’t continue to act like I don't want what I want, I can't continue to act like I'm happy for you when you meet someone new. I'm no longer willing to be that person that you know will always be there, always there to help you discuss your problems or come up with a game plan to get you past a current hurdle. At some point I have to realize that I lost the fight and it's over... OVER.

Six years and everyday there was this constant reminder of you.

Elmer's

What exactly keeps two people together? What types of cosmic forces have to combine to make two random people come together and stick?  I don’t know at this point if there is really a decision to be made when things fall into place like that, it seems to be that you are just helpless, at the mercy of whatever is to come.  But even then there's something unique about those moments and those people that just stick, they have secured a spot in the fabric of your life and there is no replacing them or getting rid of them, they are there.  You may find someone new or even someone better but you will never find that someone that can replace what they were or are to you. How is it that through the countless encounters that we have with other people every day we are able to find those few that make such an impact on our lives that they become a part of us?  Not necessarily for the good or the bad... they are just ingrained in who we are and what we do with them or allow them to do is not entirely of our choosing. 

We have all witnessed countless relationships where it is painfully obvious that the two entangled in that web just aren’t good for one another... "Girl you should just leave his ass alone" or "Bro she got you out of your lane".  Too many times we have seen these train wrecks occur before our own eyes but when it is our turn to ride that ride we put on the same blinders that we so desperately pleaded for our friends to take off.  When it is, it just is... there is no explanation, no real rhyme or reason, it’s just that one that has you in a way that no one else does and deep down inside you hope they never relinquish that control.  

It's funny, I’ve seen people try to fight it, I’ve seen those who try to act like it isn’t what it is, I’ve even witnessed those who become enraged by the sheer thought of it, but in the end they all circum to whatever "it" is. I guess some things in life can't be explained, they just are.

Bad Bitch

Her eyes told the real story, a story that is all too personal but yet not distinctly hers.  Past her beautiful gaze,  all the hair and makeup, past her winning smile and her sunny disposition, past all of those things that she developed as a way of hiding herself from life, there lie the true her.  A little girl damaged by what life had done to her, a child screaming for help, for someone to ease her pain.  Not quite what she seemed to be, not the model-esque figure that would light up a room upon entrance, no that's not her at all.  Beyond the hazel and green lies a little girl that is scared to show you who she really is. Her scars penetrate past what is visible; those injuries cannot be concealed or blended in.  A chameleon of sorts, she morphs and changes to her environment, never giving you the real her, instead only the her she wants you to see.

This game of smoke and mirrors has been going on so long she questions if she knows who the real her is anymore.  When you so frequently make yourself into exactly what someone else needs it's easy for you to get caught up in the act and lose who you really are in the process.  The truth is, she doesn’t feel like the real her would be good enough, who could possibly come to love someone so ordinary and plain.  How could a person with such simple sensibilities survive in such a complicated and flashy world?  A world that values glamour over substance, fame more than work.  For this world what she had become was perfect, the makeup, the heels, the look, all flawless but yet so empty.  

That damaged little girl inside of her no longer screams to come out, her cries have been suppressed by time, by pain, and by a twisted since of identity found in the confines of relationships.  These dealings with the opposite sex have become her safe haven; her identity derives from that of her current partner.  A value not based on worth but cost...  The price these suitors are willing to pay for her company is what buoys her inner sense of self. What she is can only be qualified by what they are willing to do.  So no longer is she dealing with those issues of inadequacy, those feeling have now been validated by a swipe of a credit card or a financed trip, now her worth can be easily calculated and viewed on the receipt.  

The truth is in her eyes and her story is not hers alone.

XXX

  So... I turned 30 years young today and I'll tell you what, it’s a hell of a feeling.  It kind of feels like when you’re a sophomore in high school or your second year of college, you know that quiet confidence you possess when you have been there before and pretty much know your way around.  Not that you have everything figured out, no that’s not the case at all but at least you know where to go to for help and what things to avoid.  In this 30th year of my life I have reached a point where I know what to do and more importantly I know exactly what not to do, ignorance is no longer a valid excuse.  My experiences have given me one hell of a road map on how to navigate the pitfalls of life; those experiences have also blessed me with the privilege of knowing that most problems, especially the really tough ones are of your on doing.  Life is hard and that fact cannot be disputed but life becomes increasingly harder when you take the time to place obstacles in your own path.  

So as I celebrate my birthday, I want to take the time to look back at some of the lessons/rules that life has taught me....

Never have sex without a condom... NEVER, eat your vegetables, driving 5 miles above the speed limit is speeding, always have full coverage insurance on your vehicle, if you’re trying to convince someone that you are not drunk... you’re drunk,  go to class, go to work,  a no call/ no show is not looked upon highly come promotion time, don’t do drugs, if you love someone never ever ever let her go, take time to invest in people, forgiveness is more for yourself than anyone else, control is power, sho mo no, don’t quit a job without having another job, two goes in the pink and one goes in the stink lol, quitting while your ahead is not the same as quitting, try it before you say you don’t like it, friends and family are all you really have, listen and don’t just wait to talk, know the difference between what you feel and what’s real, read, spend your last on groceries and gas, fat meat and bald heads make grease lol, girls don’t like to be told what to do but strangely women do, everything that looks good to you isn’t good for you woman/food, have goals, dreams only die when you stop chasing them, take advice but don’t take no shit, fighting doesn’t solve much, live well below your means, perception is reality, if it looks too good to be true it probably is, purpose can be found in pain, read the Bible, life is a team sport, do more and say less, do not fear failure, there is a fine line between comfortable and complacent, have faith, You are who you choose to be and in those choices you live...

Oh, and whatever you do remember that time is the most valuable thing in the world so don’t waste it.

The Meaning

I'm reading a book entitled Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, the author is a Holocaust survivor and in his book he offers details on surviving within a concentration camp and how it fostered his psyche and outlook on life.  Today I came across a passage that really spoke to me, maybe because I'm about to turn 30 or maybe because I have an infatuation with life but I read this passage over and over again.  I'm going to quote it directly, see if it speaks to you as it spoke to me...

"What was really needed was fundamental change in our attitude toward life.  We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life-daily and hourly.  Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct.  Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

"These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way.  Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements.  "Life" does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life's tasks are also very real and concrete.  They form man's destiny, which is different and unique for each individual.  No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny.  No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response.  Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action.  At other times it is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way.  Sometimes man may be required simply to accept fate, to bear his cross.  Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand."

"When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task.  He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe.  No one can relieve him of this suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden."

Wow... powerful, isn't it.

It's my turn

Today was a... I guess you could say a life changing day.  Today I accepted a position within an industry that I love but for a salary that scares the shit out of me.  The position is a fitness counselor and the salary is primarily based on commission; the opportunities for growth within the company are endless and there is no cap on the commission I can make, so the ball is really in my hands.  But do you know how scary this is?  Just like everyone else in the real world I have financial obligations that hover pretty close to my current salary, to say there isn't much room for error is an understatement.  But now I have accepted a position where the base salary is half of my current salary and all other income will be obtained through commission.  It's pretty damn scary and pretty damn exciting "at the same damn time" lol  

When the position was offered (well it really wasn’t, they spoke as if I had the job from the beginning) my first thought was "I can’t make this move, not for this amount of guaranteed money" but then something happened, I began to think about the story of a drowning man asking for God to save him.   You may have heard the story before, a man is stranded in the ocean and he prays to God for help and to save him.  As the man is praying he lets three boats pass him by because he is waiting for a miracle from God. The man ends up drowning and at the pearly gates he questions God and asks him why did he not save his life, where was the miracle he prayed for?  God answers the man and says; well I sent three boats...  "I sent three boats" how often have we missed the blessings of the Lord because it was not packaged and delivered in a way we thought would be appropriate?  Now I'm not saying that my experience today was a miracle from God but I am saying that I have been praying for some time for a way out of my current field of work... And I have also turned down jobs before because I thought the initial salary was too low only to go back to a job that I hate and pray that the Lord relieve me of my position. But not this time, this time I decided to leap, not blindly but guided by my faith in HIM and my faith in me. 

In life your circumstances are largely of your own creation, the good, the bad, and the ugly all can be attributed to one major source, YOU.  So as I embark on this new chapter of my life I am certain of only two things; God has blessed me with an opportunity to grow and this has to work...

"We often miss opportunity because it's dressed in overalls and looks like hard work" Thomas A. Edison

Somebody That I Used to Know

It’s amazing what lasts and what doesn't.  Time is very cruel that way, it forces you to acknowledge what was real and what was just for the moment.  That classic test of time will tell all... whether it be hopes for a lifetime or just fun for a season or two.  I guess the most we can hope for is to make those moments worthy of becoming memories, so that they may live forever.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

It's your turn

So what do you do when it’s your turn? I was asked this question by one of my friends (Bird Dog) and it has kinda stuck with me. What do you do when it’s your turn? How often in life have we yearned for the opportunity to show off our skills, to have that chance to let the world know who we are and what we are about? And then when that moment arrives, what do you do? Do you take advantage of that brief instance and show the world that you too can fly or do you whither under the pressure, letting the spot light steal your shine. Wanting an opportunity and being prepared for it are two totally different things.

I remember when I was a child and all I wanted or could think of was being a professional football player (this came after I wanted to be a tap dancer, cab driver, and heart surgeon lol Oh the dreams of a child). I desperately wanted to go to the NFL and be amongst some of the greatest athletes on the planet, having the opportunity to place my talents against theirs and see who the best was. Me being a sports fanatic, I watched a lot of ESPN and one thing that I always noticed was how horrible the pre/post game interviews were. It sounded as if these athletes were speaking to a person for the first time, always fumbling over their words and making cliché comments. I don’t know why it rubbed me the wrong way but it did, to see athletes, more specifically black athletes get in front of a microphone and speak as if they were in the third grade really pissed me off. So since I knew that one day that would be me in front of the microphone, giving a pre/post game interview I began to practice in the shower. Yep, you can ask my mother lol I used to be in the shower acting as if I had just won a championship or suffered a tough loss, I would practice speaking clearly and putting my thoughts in order to insure that I did not sound like some of those guys I was watching on T.V. Going to the NFL was my dream and I worked very hard to get there and all though I came up short I was still prepared for the moment, if it was ever going to be my time to shine I made sure that I was ready.

When I think of that question, what do you do when it’s your turn? The answer has to be two fold, when it’s your time to shine you have to do just that, shine, you have to let go of all doubt and any insecurities, this is “your” time. But before this “time” comes you must prepare for it, you have to be willing to accept your dream as a reality and live as though it is real. Those moments of preparation are invaluable and you do yourself and your dream a disservice if you are not willing to put in the work. To this day I still maintain those practices of a child living out his dream, even now I act out scenes that take place in big board room meetings, or acceptance speeches given for exceptional work in this arena or that, visualizing my name at the bottom of articles I read in GQ, ESPN The Magazine, Sports Illustrated and countless others. So, what do you do when it’s your turn? Well if you’re me, you show off and show out because you have been preparing for this moment your entire life. 

The Loaded "GUN"

I masturbate before I go on dates... I know you must be asking yourself what the hell is he talking about and what the hell is his problem? lol But before you make your judgment (like you haven't already) let me explain, I am a terribly sexual person and my sexual appetite has been the fuel for many of my less than good decisions. So in an effort to mitigate those foul ups I make sure I masturbate before I go on a date, I promise you it sounds crazy but for me it is the easiest way to make sure I'm as close to level headed as possible before I enter that hormonal battle. I often thought that my "pre-game" ritual was a tad bit odd and out of place but conversations with my male friends have proven different. We have had countless discussions about the tangible affects that occur both physically and mentally when you are walking around brimming with excitement. Men filled with that dumb-dumb juice as I so affectionately refer to it have been responsible for some of the most colossal mistakes made by humans since the beginning of time, just look at Adam and Eve, David and Bathsheba, Bill and Monica, Erica Bennett, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey (Why is he with her and happy...?) Countless amounts of friendships, marriages, and relationships have crumbled all behind that master motivator that builds up in men like lava in volcanoes. 

Just think of the amount of times that you have seen a couple walking through the mall and wondered why in hell is he with her or how is that his baby's mama? You want to know why and how? It’s simple, when you walk around with a loaded gun someone is eventually going to get shot... Sometimes you hit your intended target and sometimes its an innocent bystander that takes the bullet but one thing is for absolute certain, that gun is going to get fired sooner or later. There are only two ways that I know of to control the damage that will be caused by this inevitable eruption and they are to consistently empty out your ammunition before entering battle and/or place yourself around acceptable targets, that way if anyone gets shot you can be proud of the kill. 

Right now I am reading a book entitled "Every Man's Battle", this book discusses man's plight when it comes to following the laws of sexual purity given by God in the Bible. It recognizes how sexually charged our environment has become and how men are privy to indulge in all that it has to offer. The author acknowledges that this desire to have sex is not only psychological but it is also physiological, men are wired for sex and procreation, it is in our "nature". Therefore to follow the path of sexual decency will be hard, really hard but not impossible; the decency they speak of in the bible is almost absurd by today's standards. A man must not only be faithful to his wife with his anatomy, he must also control the perversion of his thoughts, eyes, language and feelings. Not only is he banned from sex outside of his marriage he is also banned from sex with his self, "masturbation". To say that the content of this book is challenging would be an understatement, for me it is almost offensive... I can’t fathom maintaining the discipline that is required to live sexually pure by God's standards, I have a hard enough time following the one or two rules I have set for myself and I'm pretty lenient to say the least. Maybe one day I will posses what it takes to follow the path of sexual purity, maybe one day I will have the courage to put down my weapon and abandon the shooting gallery, maybe one day... But I doubt if it will be today.  

Do Over

"You have to learn to live with regrets..." Are there things in your life that you wish you could do over, any instances where if you could, you would gladly hit the reset button with hopes of changing things for the better? When I look back at my life I can think of countless times where I wish I would have done this differently or that another way. But I think the things that I regret the most, the moments where I would gladly go back and change are the times that I failed to do anything. It's the times where I chose not to act or take that chance that haunt me the most, all of those moments where I sat back and let life happen without my direct influence, those are the moments that I wish I could get back. A decision made is easier to deal with than is an opportunity missed...

"Its so loud inside my head with word that I should have said and as I drown in my regrets, I can’t take back the words I never said." Lupe Fiasco

Number 2

The healthier your diet, the healthier your body, the more you shit.... Now if we can get past the "oh that’s nasty" we can see how this concept is prevalent in life as well as in health. Your level of health increases your capacity and propensity to process that which is bad and absorb that which is good. That’s life, isn’t it? Your emotional health, mental health, and physical health all combine to enable you to process and get rid of all the bad thing that life will offer. All the stress and letdowns you will experience, all the struggles and setbacks you will endure, all of these things are able to be overcome by those who are healthy in all aspects of their lives. 

The ability to get through the bad and dwell in all that is good, that is a byproduct of health and we all know what happens when we are less than healthy. We tend to focus on the negative, we become engulfed in all the bad things life offers, we lose the ability to see past the trees and recognize the forest. In other words we become constipated, just like when we over eat or indulge in the wrong types of foods, when our body isn’t healthy and has been mistreated it loses its ability to process the bad, instead it holds on to it. Increasing the levels of toxins and bile, making us gassy and bloated... Again, that’s life, when you aren’t maintaining a healthy life style or doing what it takes to make you happy, you tend to hold onto all the negative things that have occurred throughout the day or week or month and you allow those things to affect your attitude, outlook, work environment, relationships, sleep, life... 

We are all byproducts of what we put into our bodies, minds, and spirits. Those things that are negative will only produce things that are just that... negative, we must instead fuel our minds, bodies, and spirits with positives. Good food, good music, good relationships, good careers, good friends, good times... A good life. When you are filled with that much good it gives you the ability to put up with all of life's shit.

High Mileage

I never thought that I would reach the point where I wished I had done less... By that I mean, I have just recently realized that my past experiences with women have served to place both a mental and emotional block when it comes to building a new relationship. I have had more than my share of experiences with the opposite sex, I’m not ashamed to say that it used to be a point of pride, looking back at the long list of women I have been with, knowing that I will forever be a part of their story, their history. But now, not so much. Now that I see that with every new person I deal with I am living out the same paradigm that got me to where I am, single +1... Using these women for the singular purpose of pleasure, making every attempt to place them in a box where I have complete control. Living out the same movie over and over again, the actors and the characters changing but the plot remains the same. 

I see why women are frequently so hesitant to cross that hurdle, that imaginary boundary where they abandon rational thought for the tender whispers of the heart. While I am focused on making the experience all that it can be and gaining as much pleasure from the encounter as possible, they are relinquishing themselves to the thought of "this could be something special, a beginning..." It sucks to say but those thoughts and that statement rarely if ever crosses my mind. My thoughts go from the passion of the moment and immediately to when is she leaving and then to how soon can she come back. 

I wish I could tell you why I act or think this way, I really do. I search my thoughts and I have only experienced that feeling of "forever" twice and both of those situations ended up in a perverse "friendship". So maybe I’m bitter...? But I’ve had this same behavior long before I met those two women and have maintained it long past what we had was over. Maybe my childhood is to blame... My upbringing would be categorized as less than affectionate and I was raised by my mother so maybe that’s where the disconnect between females and emotions began. I’m sure that played a small part but I don’t place full responsibility on that or her, she made me a strong man and I thank her for it. Its hard to pinpoint where, when, and how it all started but it’s safe to say it is here and in living color.

So what do I do now? Now that I have identified and agreed upon the fact that this is a problem, what do I do to fix it? I still like sex... I would much rather be enjoying a woman’s company than writing this blog right now. How does a man that has been conditioned by life, choice, and circumstance change who he has become? Though I have taken steps to slow down and try to enjoy all the "non-sex" moments lol I just don’t know how long that will last and how fruitful it will be.

exPRESSiON

The words often fall short when trying to describe the feeling. How can something as simple as marks of ink in specific sequence explain something as complex and free flowing as emotion or thought, a moment, an experience, a life, a man? How best to go about the business of translating time into words, I don't know... For me, I just sit and let the words come, though they often pale in comparison to the thoughts or emotions that I am feeling at the time; they are the best way I know to give to you what I have inside. As a medium of expression these words are not the best but they’re the one that I have grown most fond of over the years. Maybe if I would have kept playing the trumpet then I would have had a more creative way of exposing what’s within, maybe those notes are fit to display pain and joy, maybe the sound of the horn could put it all in perspective. But for now these words of mine will have to do. So very limited... A dictionary or better yet a thesaurus can’t truly contain what is needed to paint the picture of feelings and thoughts. These words leave much to be said and even more to be felt, what gets lost in translation is the essence of the message, the motivation for the thought. The intense fire that burns from the feeling and the rage that builds for lack of an outlet. No where for these things to go, so I put them on the page and hope that it serves to tell the story of a man in a place with feelings that cant be expressed with words...

Summa Cum Laude

Yesterday I attended the commencement ceremonies for Westfield High School, my niece was graduating and as I sat in the stands packed with our family and the families of others my mind began to zone out.  I couldnt help but to get a little nostalgic while entertaining all of the posibilities that lay before these soon to be High School Graduates.  How big of a moment was this for them, graduating from high school marks the end of a long grade school journey and it signifies the beginning of the rest of your life.  Many of us don’t come to understand this fact until it’s far too late to change course but the decisions you make in those first few years out of high school will serve to shape the rest of your life.  What a wonderful burden that is, to forever exist in the gravity of decisions made at the tender age of 17 or 18.  To say you are not prepared is a complete understatement but this is life and you have to decide pretty early if you are going to be among the many or the few.  

Today my mother, sister and I had a conversation about what a great platform you are on as a new high school graduate, all the endless roads and avenues you have to choose from and how each one has their own set of consequences.  Its like once you pick a certain path you pretty much have to ride it out, you never know when an exit will present itself and when it does you don’t even know where that exit will take you, you just have to weigh your options and go for it. I likened this moment to a test and as with any test it is composed of questions and answers, the only difference is that with this test wrong answers have dire consequences.  Oh and the test... its only like ten questions long so you don’t have the luxury of getting three or four wrong answers and knowing that you can still pass.  Nope, two wrong answers and you’re already living a "B" lifestyle, three wrong answers and you’re approaching loser status... Yep, life is tough and it starts pretty early but the cool thing about it is that you have the opportunity to live out your dreams or create your own nightmares and it all starts with graduation. 

Congratulations "T" I'm proud of you and good luck...

Taking a step back

I took some time today and went back and looked over some of my past posts, it’s amazing to see how the subject matter varies from day to day, moment to moment, and month to month.  It just reconfirms that this life thing is truly a roller coaster and no high or low will last forever.  The fleeting nature of moments and experiences lends itself to our development of a fluid and sometimes rocky outlook on things.  There's a saying that states "it's never as good or a bad as it seems", I think that pretty much sums it all up.  Each day we are granted the opportunity to start over, to find that next experience, to feel that next emotion, to embark on that next great success or drown in a brand new pool of failure.  

How often do you allow your thoughts to mull over the idea of forever?  Taking a moment to sit down and think of the longevity of it all, life’s' journey is one that we all hope will be long and fruitful but sometimes that judgment can only be made once we gain a certain perspective.  Though each individual moment may not be as satisfying or fulfilling as we had hoped, we tend to look back on the whole with positive feelings about the experience.  Like when you think about high school or college you think about how much fun you had and come up with statements like "those were the best years of my life" but when you were in the middle of it did you feel that way?  While waking up and going to class or practice or both, I would bet that your attitude was not "this is the best time of my life" nope, it required a certain level of separation from the whole thing to appreciate it for what it was.  

Sometimes in life it’s necessary to take a step back and smell the roses, to allow yourself a few minutes to enjoy the fruit of your labor and appreciate the experience at every level.  Today is really not that bad and tomorrow will not be that great lol. I guess that’s the perspective of man that has seen the ups and downs of life’s' roller coaster and has learned to sit back and enjoy the ride.  

The let down

If someone were to ask you what emotion has dominated your life, what would you say?  Would that emotion be love, hate, joy, fear...? For me, if I were to answer that question the emotion that has been most prominent in my life is disappointment.  The disappointment I have experienced in my life has permeated every realm and facet; I have been disappointed by friends, family, work, sports and academics.  Throughout my life I have had to endure one set back after the next, it’s like I have come to expect it or at least be prepared for it when it comes.  

The thing about disappointment is that the emotion is almost always of your own doing.  To be disappointed you must first have expectations and I just happen to be a person who has great expectations, I don’t let my circumstances or experiences curb my enthusiasm.  I am the type of person who allows my expectations to grow to great heights, I dream and hope and wish without boundaries or limitations.  My thoughts are always of how great things are going to be when this or that comes to fruition and because I allow myself to reach such great heights in anticipation of the best I also become vulnerable to the whole gamut of emotions when things don’t go as well as I had hoped. 

But what is the alternative; go through life with tempered dreams just to ensure that when things go wrong the pain isn’t as great.  Nope, that’s just not for me.  I will gladly endure the pain of disappoint as long as I am given the opportunity to strive to achieve those great heights and live in those glorious moments of anticipation. 

I didn't get the job.

A woman's worth

As I sit in a hotel room in Fayetteville, North Carolina my mind begins to ponder why?  Why am I in the middle of an argument that I have been having on and off for about six years now?  It starts with the usual “who is that texting you?" and it ends with sex followed by more inquiries in to my personal life.  At this point I don’t know who is more stupid, me for dealing with a person that I know I have no future with and no plans of enjoying anything beyond sex or her for consistently trying to push a product that I am clearly not interested in buying.  I just wonder is it the role of a man to save a woman from herself?  I'm not the one getting hurt in the situation, my feelings aren’t on the line and what I want doesn’t require much effort to get. So why should I be the one to cut it off?  If I was doing something or someone that continuously hurt me or didn’t offer what I wanted, I would stop doing that thing or person.  It's that simple, isn’t it?

Her favorite saying is "don’t disrespect me" and I just sit there and think "how can I respect you and you don’t respect yourself".  You sit here and try to convince me that I should pay 50$ for a product that I know that with some negotiation you will give me for 30$ lol Then why in the hell would I ever pay 50$? (Just a metaphor, she's not a prostitute) It seems as if woman have a supreme misunderstanding of the word respect, respect is treating something as it deserves to be treated depending on its value or worth.  With that being said, how can I disrespect something or someone that I feel has limited value and a negotiable worth?  I know how it sounds and yes it's cold and maybe a little heartless but that doesn’t change the fact that it is absolutely true.  I can only do what I am allowed to do and you can only expect to receive that in which you demand.  

You will never gain more if you consistently settle for less...  And that goes for life, love, and everything in between.

Drawing a blank

Well you know what I recently found out...? I don’t have shit to talk about, really, I have sat down multiple times with every intention of producing something introspective or dissecting some facet of life that has come to dominate my thoughts, or at least give a good story that we can all laugh at but I have nothing.  No interesting thoughts, no complex opinions, no stories, no tales, no nothing.  It's a little worrying when I think about it.  I have become use to letting by brain and thoughts pour out on the page, using my writing as some sort of therapy.   The action of opening up and letting complete strangers into my thoughts and feeling had become a very fulfilling exchange but now, nothing.  I wonder does this signify that my "counseling" sessions were a success and that you all have helped me reach a point where instead of bottling things up and writing about them, I now let those around me know exactly what I am feeling and thinking at the exact moment that those things are happening?  Lol I doubt it... Maybe it just means that for now my energy is focused in a different direction, maybe I'm just a little more consumed with making things happen and not just describing what is going on.  My life and my thoughts are certainly much different from years, months, and days past but I don't really know what that means.  Good or bad, things are just different now.  

Or maybe I'm just full of shit and being lazy... not taking the time to dig deeper and find new things that will serve to inspire me.  I don't know which one of these conclusions falls closest to the truth but knowing me it is probably some twisted combination of both.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Hello, again

Well Hi there, haven't heard from you in a while.  So, how have things been?  Anything exciting going on? Any new stories to tell?  Like seeing an old friend for the first time in long while I think we have some catching up to do.  Things with me have been, well up and down to say the least.  I am enjoying the new area that I moved to but have found that I am going through some of the same struggles that I experienced before the move.  Like my mom once told me "if you are the problem, then moving won’t help".  Cold, stone cold but she always knows how to make a point so that I can understand it.  One thing that has changed is that I am starting to build a relationship with my daughter and at least a functional one with her mother.  That whole situation is still crazy, and frustrating, and maddening but it was time to put all of those emotions aside and move on.  It's hard to be angry when you’re holding a little girl who looks just like you and doesn't have a care in world...

I am also in the middle of a career transition or better put I will be quitting my job soon and diving head on into a field that will be more satisfying both personally and financially.  I have to admit, making this transition is scary as hell but I just can't continue to wake up every day and go to a job that I hate just to make enough money to get back to work the next day.  Can't do it. Won't do it.

So other than a few minor changes that is what I've been up to.  Sorry I haven't been posting very often but I am going to make an effort to do more and get back on my "Dean". 

Get your Mind right.

"The battle is for your mind” Have you ever thought about the difference between your brain and your mind? Is there a difference?  To me there is, when I see the word brain my immediate thoughts are of an organ that is responsible for regulating bodily functions and producing outward intelligence.  But when I see the word mind my thoughts become much more in depth.  Your mind is an entity all unto itself, your mind is more than just an organ, your mind is more than just an IQ score, to me your mind is an emulsion of everything you are.  The sum of your spirit, emotions, experiences, thoughts, dreams, failures and successes... "Taken to the depths of forever and multiplied by infinity" and that is your mind.  The fact that your minds make up is so complicated is the very reason why it is so difficult to gain and maintain mental focus.  People have spent days, months, years in mental turmoil; having no idea of what to do to gain clarity for their life and decisions.  Millions of dollars are spent every year by those that seek counsel to arrive at such clarity.  Putting together the jig-saw puzzle that is our mind is a task that can last a life time.  "The battle is for you mind."  

All that we are and all that we do begins with thought, this thought maybe conscious reasoning or an unconscious reaction but it is a thought none the less.  So in order to gain any type of grasp on life and its trials we must first be mentally sound and aware.  Sound in knowing exactly who we are and what we are trying to accomplish; aware of our environment and how it plays a pivotal role in our success.  Our minds can serve to propel us to unimaginable heights and it can also spawn destruction that can only be found in nature.  It is said that whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind of man can achieve.  Think about that for a moment... Your mind possesses the ability to create and make real, TO CREATE AND MAKE REAL...  A thought becomes a vision, a vision builds into an obsession, and an obsession molds a life.  Your mind is the most powerful thing on the planet and it will serve you in whatever task you place upon it.  This why the battle is for your mind because if you gain the mental focus and clarity to conceive and believe then you have gained a power that is unmatched.  

We should all take the time to cultivate the infinite reservoir of our MIND.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRzBkVaos0U

Eyes wide shut

She asks "Why don’t you open your eyes?" and to that I replied "To see what?" At that point I had seen all I needed or cared to see. What was the point of indulging in another moment of clarity, another awakening? Every fact that I had viewed to be one had changed more times than I care to mention throughout my life. Each day was made anew with the demolition of the pillars of wisdom that I had spent my entire life leaning on and using as a support or crutch, rather. How could one live his entire life with his eyes closed, not blinded but closed, willfully choosing not to see what lay plainly before his face? Having the option to view life as it is and deciding not to and then going one step further and creating an alternate view of things and claiming it as truth. 

"Open your eyes" she says, and to that I reply "I’ve already seen too much".

Passion Fruit

Adam started this shit... He set the tone that most men still follow today; he was the first to risk it all for the company of a woman.  Adam violated the rules, the only rule and that rule was not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, that’s all he had to do, was not eat from the damn Tree.  That rule was easy to follow and Adam did, until what?  A woman came along and joined him in the garden and she was tempted to eat of the Tree and once she did, she tempted Adam to do the same... SMH   And that’s the way it’s been ever since, men going through Hell and high water just to satisfy the temptations of women. 

I’m talking to the men out there now, how many times have we done some of the most outlandish shit just to be in the company of a woman?  Spending money we don’t have, to go on dates we rather not be on, just to have the opportunity to be around the opposite sex.  My roommate and I had a conversation the other day about winning the Mega Million jackpot and I said "if it weren’t for women I wouldn’t even care about money..."  It's the truth, if women weren’t around I would care less about how much money I made or the car I drive or how I looked.  I wouldn’t bother spending money on nice clothes or take the time to workout or even bathe regularly... I just wouldn’t.  The delight of the opposite sex is the motivating factor behind 89% of all decisions I make.  I wish it were different but it’s not, those soft, sweet smelling creatures dominate my thoughts and my bank account. They get me to do things that by some standards would be considered absurd but for it being for them it's all too mundane.  

There isn’t one thing that I can think of that provokes such polarizing emotions as do woman.  We love them and can’t stand them in same moment and breath.  They are what tempt us to do wrong and what empowers us to do right.  If it weren’t for women I would either be a complete bum or a complete success... How they possess the ability to entice grandiose actions and diabolical thoughts I will never know.  Sure, Adam was the first to take the bait and the rest of us have been falling like dominoes ever since...

The Plan

Let me guess, things didn’t work out...?  So what now, where do we go from here? It’s said in order to succeed or at least ascend to some level of success you need a plan.  But I’m sure you had a plan the first time and that clearly didn’t work, so either we need to come up with a better plan or a better approach in the execution. The only problem with developing a "fool proof" plan is that as we all have come to realize life is a fluid situation and the day to day grind well offer countless surprises and unforeseen obstacles.  In these moments of turmoil is it most important to follow the plan as laid out or make concessions for what has occurred?  The thing about making concessions is that once you make one we all know there are more to follow and eventually you can lose sight of what you were trying to achieve; becoming a slave to the moment. Through my experiences I have come to realize that what is most important, critical, is that you maintain through all of life's ups and downs. Choosing to stay the course is more than admirable; it is paramount in the attempt to reach those lofty heights we feel we are destined to achieve.  No action and reaction, just action, continual and consistent, forceful and with great meaning.  Our course should not be a reactive pattern to events; it should instead be a purposeful walk in whatever direction we choose. 

Stay the course...

Debt Collector

"We must all pay for the sins we have committed" This was the message given to the teenage boys I work with on Easter Sunday.  A volunteer pastor came in and spoke with the boys about the debt our souls have accrued for the sins we have committed.  He went on to say that giving your life to the Lord is the only way we can ever repay this debt and without that commitment we are doomed to forever pay off that debt in Hell.  That’s a pretty sobering and scary proposition to pose to a teenager and as I sat there and digested it, it became a little scary for me as well.  Take a moment and think about all the wrong you have done, all the sins you have committed...My list is endless and growing by the minute, I could not imagine having to pay for all the things I've done, the many sins I have committed, or the devious plots that have filled my mind.  My soul’s credit score would definitely be less than desirable.

The pastor continued to speak about sins and debt and he made another point that really hit home for me, he said that "there is nothing good in this flesh, nothing".  Now I totally agree with that, everything that my body tells me to do is of sin.  There isn’t a moment that goes by where I’m not tempted to do something that ultimately will not be good for me and most certainly is a sin.  I have been a slave to the needs of my flesh for my entire life and it has served to land me in some less than desirable situations.  But man was born into sin and his nature is of sin so I guess I'm just par for the course. 

We are all going to die one day, that is an absolute certainty but what comes next?  If you believe in the word you know that there will come a judgment day where all of us will either be blessed with everlasting life in Heaven or damned to a tortured existence in Hell. Each decision we make draws us closer to one of those destination but how often do we think about the weight of our choices?  Our souls will be charged the debt of our decisions and most of us can’t afford to make any more mistakes.

Soft as Cotton

So let’s talk about one of the buzz words that our society is becoming infatuated with "Bullying". I can hear the ooo's and awww's already... To be bullied is a terrible thing; it can create a myriad of disorders and anxieties towards life, people, and social environments.  This damage can often last deep into adult hood and the victim may never recover.  No one deserves to be treated with disrespect or tortured for what they may look like, not have or believe in. 

But with that said we are absolutely doing the youth of today a disservice with all of the coddling and pampering of the situation that is taking place in the media and school systems.  You know what a bully is... a bully is an opportunity, an opportunity for that child to fight through adversity and stand up for whatever it is they are or believe in.  We should not be damning those kids that put themselves in a position of power due to unseen issues, no; we should instead be empowering those that may fall under the bullies reign.  We should inform those victims of bullying that this is the way life will always be if you continue to look at yourself as a victim, we should inform them that they have the power to stand up to any all things that may try to oppress or put them down.  We should not give them the idea that when things get tough and you feel like there is no way out that the world will come to your aide, which just isn’t true.  In life you are going to be placed in situations where no one will be on your side but you and it is up to you to have the inner strength to persevere. A bully is nothing more than an opportunity to conquer one of life's many obstacles.  

We as a society are getting to the point where we are producing some of the softest generations known to man.  I don’t know who came up with the idea of political correctness, you can’t beat your kids, no child left behind, SOL's, everyone receives a blue ribbon and a million other concepts that have proven to be counterproductive.  Nothing teaches greater lessons than pain and failure and we are legislating that out of our youth’s upbringing and it is serving to produce unfit, mentally weak adults.  My generation and the ones prior all went through certain things that made them the productive adults they are today, yes it may have been difficult and ugly at times but look what it produced.  So why would we go to such great lengths to divorce our youth from the same adversities that made us who and what we are today?  I’ll never understand it.  

Rise and Shine

I just watched a commercial that really made me think, it was an advertisement for trips to Michigan.  In the commercial they said that in an average life time we will only have 25,000 mornings... Only 25k, I swear if you were to ask me how many morning I've had up to this point I would have given you a number much larger than 25,000.  This statistic really drives home the point that life is short and we must truly take advantage of every moment granted to us.  25,000 mornings, wow... How will you spend your next one?

Lemons for Lemonade

How's life?  When asked that question our immediate response is usually "It's good" or "No complaints", but how do we really feel about the direction our lives are going? Are you living out your dreams or are you just trying to make it through the day?  Is life beating you down or is it offering opportunities beyond anything you could have imagined?

So, how's life? Honestly, life is hard, life is confusing and life does not come with an instruction manual or GPS.  Just speaking with friends and family you see so many sides of this thing we call life, people are in pain, people are living their dreams, and people are falling flat on their faces all in an attempt to live this life and find happiness.  There's one thing you find out very early and that's there is no one way to get this thing done, no one can give you the road map on how to navigate your life. It seems we are all just out here doing what we can, to get where we want to go. 

Today if you asked me how's life? I'd say Life is absolutely amazing...  I could want nothing more than the opportunity to get it done.  Just a chance to chase my dreams, find a woman to love and love me back, provide for my family, and attempt to have as much fun along the way as possible. lol Now tomorrows answer might be completely different but as of today life is grand.

One thing we should never forget is that our lives are just that, "ours" and it is up to us to make them things of legend. 

It rained today

The rain, it brings back thoughts of yesterday
Those days when you and I were We
A morning kiss ascending to that nights bliss
That touch, a feel
Yesterday was when it was all too real
The rain, it brings back thoughts of us
Of you and I, those smiles and cries
Both products of such beautiful lies
But the rain, the rain is all that's true
No me, not you, just this life lived with feelings
Feelings that come in every shade of blue

Her and I...

They say if she's worth it that surely I'll know

But I play this game so fast and too often to go slow

She said I've become jaded and the feeling just aren't there

But yesterday I dreamt of her and woke up to the smell of her hair

Where is this journey taking me, where might this path lead

When each day is filled with lies and truths so real that they bleed

Some may say its over and that we both should just move on

Well I say just wait and see because Its always darkest before dawn

Or maybe it's just ME...

The more I learn, the less I know...  It amazes me how we can live life and learn all the lessons it has to teach and still continue to make the same mistakes.  If we are honest with ourselves this life doesn’t offer too many surprises, we all know by now that what we do today will affect what happens tomorrow.  But people like me still think they can beat the system or cheat that proverbial equal sign. "Life won’t catch me, I’m too slick, too smart and way too good at it..." lol but sooner or later there it is again, consequences for previous actions; some of them I can handle and some of them I can’t but they are almost always of my own doing.

I have spoken many times about the narrow path we must walk to navigate through life, I know that any miss-step can lead to enumerable consequences and those consequences can become the bane of your existence.  But with all that said I still go through these fits of self destruction, where I am determined to play the game my way and defy the odds.  Does it work?  HELL NO, it never works. I might slide the first time or the second or even the tenth but it always comes back to bite me, it never fails.  So why do I continue to put myself through these moments of failure and anguish over decisions made under the pretence of invulnerability?  Because I'm stupid... lol That can be the only answer.  What else would explain why a person continues to come up with new and inventive ways to bust their head against the same wall?  

Today has been a perfect example of following the path of proper behavior.  I woke up this morning in such a great mood,  I got up early, fixed my breakfast, took my vitamins, read my "Daily Bread", and read the Bible.  After that I went to the DMV to renew my registration (which surprisingly took less than an hour), then I came home, read a book I've been meaning to finish, and had lunch, all and all it has been a wonderfully productive day so far.  This day has offered no hurdles or pitfalls and I know it’s because I got up and did the right thing from the start.  I’m not saying that doing the right thing will save me from ever experiencing certain obstacles but it does limit that possibility. Now, was it hard to get up this morning and start my day off right?  No, not at all.  Was it difficult to take care of the business I knew needed to handle?  Nope.  Then why do I choose to do otherwise?  What is it that makes me veer off the path?  Other than the fact that I'm stupid, I don’t know, I don’t have an answer to why I choose to do things that I know will have negative consequences.  Maybe its boredom, maybe it’s the devil or maybe it’s just Me...    

6 Words

What if you were given the task to sum up all that you are or have ever been in only six words?  Would you be able to complete that task and if so how much thought and time would go into taking a lifetime and reducing it down to only six words?

A few days ago while reading "Our Daily Bread" I came upon a passage that discussed the task of constructing a six word statement to sum up an entire existence.  This passage went on to speak about the great American writer and Pulitzer Prize winner Ernest Hemingway and how he was challenged with this task by his colleagues and what a great line he came up with and later turned into a wonderful short story.  Hemingway’s six words were "For sale: baby shoes, never used", I think those six words speak volumes about a life's beginning and a man, made.  The passage also spoke about all of the six word descriptions that can be found in the Bible, such as David being described by God as "A man after my own heart" or Jesus’ six word bio "Became flesh and dwelt among us".   These biographies or descriptions are so poignant and powerful; it’s amazing that they are all only six words long.

So what would be your six word bio or description?  

Here's mine,

"Never knew tomorrow was yesterdays, today"

"Never, who he appeared to be"

24,23

I once heard my boy Bird Dog say "You either pass the torch or watch it get ripped from your hands" I’m not certain if he made that up or not but what I am completely certain of is the validity of the statement.  It seems like in all things, there is a natural progression from what has been established to be true and effective to what is now new and in demand.  That proverbial torch will be passed whether you like it or not.  There really is no point in fighting against the inevitable, at some point we all must move over for the new kid and it is up to us how we embrace that transition.  

In life there are those who seem to maintain their spot or platform much longer than others, while some come and go without even a whisper of their presence, these few make a lasting impression for all to witness and analyze.  What is the difference between the two? What makes some people leave a mark and others live and die without ever making a difference? The torch will always be passed but to whose hands? The honor of having the torch whether it be the passer or the receiver is such a great distinction. Many of us will never know the feeling of losing what we had to "the next best thing", having all that you have worked for suddenly ripped from under you in a roar of cheers and applause. Life goes on but there are only a few who reach such heights that even their fall is glorious.  

I think the difference between the torch bearers and the common folk is mindset, the vast majority of us are happy to reside in the limits of today.  To be different you have to think differently, those who reach the "torch" status are not focused on being the best today, no, their vision is to be the best ever... setting their goals so high that in failure they are revered. These special few know that to get what you've never had, you have to be willing to do what you've never done.  

The "torch" will be passed but only a few will ever know its touch.