Quantum Leap

On the day added to signify this leap year my mind drifts to the idea of time.  It was Einstein who gave of us the “theory of relativity" and prompted the notion that time is relative.  This makes me think, who really governs our time, or better said what time is it?  

The leap year was put in place to insure that our system of time would always match up with the astronomical occurrences that govern it.  So basically the powers that be got together and decided to add or subtract a day here and there to insure things were running smoothly.  Just like that, you need a day? Well here's a day, got too many days? Ok we're taking a day lol.  Time passed from one year to the next, just like that.  

Now that I think about it, whole generations have been moved right before our eyes. When my moms' generation turned 30 it was like they were much older than that, their finances and family life were all in order for the most part.  Most of the people in that generation owned their own homes by the time they turned 30 and were heavily invested into 401k accounts.  Now my sisters' generation was not so focused in their pursuit of a stable life.  By the time she turned 30 there was much left to be attained and settled both personally and financially, and I’m guessing that she wasn’t the only one in her generation feeling like this.  So because of the wide spread shortcomings of her generation time was shifted again, 30 became the new 20, just like that. Not where you feel you should be in this ten year span? Ok, here's another ten years lol.  

Now as for me and my generation, I can’t really get a bead on where we fall when it comes to the 30 year milestone.  Are we closer to my moms' generation where most of us are settled and clear about where we've been and where we're going? Or are we most like my sisters' generation and need another ten years to get things in order?  30 can be an old 40, a new 20 or some type of freaky teenage type thing, or it can simply be another made up date on a made up calendar.  

Einstein established that time is relative and with that said when I turn 30 it will be just that, 30 no more, no less.  

My Sacrifice

"Everybody wants to go to Heaven but Nobody wants to Die" 

What are you willing to do to achieve your dreams? Just exactly how much are you prepared to sacrifice in your pursuit of happiness? When we speak of our goals and dreams we think of all of the great things that will come as a result of ascending to those lofty heights, all the glitz and the glamour.  But often what goes unnoticed is the sacrifice that must be made to achieve all of the greatness we crave.  Nothing can be gained without sacrifice... So how much are you willing to give?  Or what seems to count much more is how much are you willing to give up?  

"The most important thing is this, to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become"

Can you do it? Can you leave all that is "you" behind and venture off into that vast land of uncertainty, going out on a limb and embracing the height, embracing the moment?  Having the faith, confidence, or whatever you want to call it to leap, to stand up and say this isn’t happening, nope, not to me.  I WANT MORE and I’m willing to take a step back or even risk falling to get it.  

When you think about it, what are you holding on to? A life that is supremely underwhelming and a career that lacks fulfillment and excitement?  There is no need to have such a tight grip on something that deep down you know you really don’t want.  So let’s let go and be who we choose to be.  Be Great! Be Successful! Be willing to risk it all and bet on the only thing you can depend on, YOU.

No Call, No Show

"The saddest thing in life is wasted talent” A Bronx Tale

Wasted talent... A life lived in silence, never making a splash, never making a statement, or taking a stand.  You clock in on Monday and clock out 25 years later and for the life of you, you can’t account for the time spent...  Talents wasted, a life lived in smoldering frustration that this is all there is.  Actually convincing yourself that making fifty thousand dollars a year doing something that a well trained monkey could do is success.  No mention of purpose, no thoughts of making a difference, leaving a legacy or at least failing doing exactly what you love to do.  Nope, our thoughts are centered around 401k's and three day weekends... finding the slickest way to arrive late without getting noticed or finding joy in the fact that our cubical allows us to sneak out before quitting time.  Damn! There has to be more to life than this...

My circle of friends are some of the most talented people you could ever meet, nothing is beyond their realm of comprehension and mastery.  But I don't think I know a single person that is happy or at least satisfied with their career.  True, we might be making more money than we have before and that provides some since of comfort but it definitely doesn't inspire joy or fulfillment.  The amount of money made is only worth the effort put in to getting it and right now I might as well be working for minimum wage. 

A female friend of mine asked me the other day did I think it was maturity that keeps me working at a job I hate,  in a field I loathe, making a salary that doesn't even matter?  I told her I sure hope that those are not the actions of the mature; I hope that wisdom is not gained in such ways.  No, I said, I think it’s more a matter of fear, fear of having to re live life's lessons.  At some point you get to an age where life makes it extremely hard for you to leap, you begin to get coaxed off the ledge by ideas of maturity, responsibility, and adulthood.  These buzz words are what keeps you waking up in the morning and doing just enough not to get fired lol.  

Soon I will be turning 30 years old and I have made a decision to take one last leap of faith, one last time where I go "all in" and depend solely on my talents and ambition to make it work.  I’ve come to realize that I’m way to immature to follow this path of mediocrity, so as I prepare myself to climb this ledge for the last time I think not of the fall but to the flight. 

Little White Lies

A heart that doesn't feel, beat or bleed, no love lies here, just pain and sorrow, no emotions or feelings dwell here, just the harsh reality of a life lived for a lie.  The body made hard to withstand the punishment of the days, weeks, months, and years, the cold nights, the somber mornings.  A soul that cries out for comfort or anything that can relieve its burden.  A curse placed upon a man without him knowing.  Countless trials and errors, never waning or showing fear.  A fever that builds because of internal pressure, external circumstances and a belief that he deserves more.  A life lived for a lie, a lie that has been told by many and believed by all.  A lie so beautiful that it can only be whispered for anything greater would destroy it.  Told from one man to one child and spread throughout the Universe.  The inspiration for all things that have ever been hoped for... A lie that enables a man to wish and dream.  A lie that has damned our youth, poisoned our minds, and propelled us into the future. 

Who are we to challenge what has been accepted as truth?  On what grounds can this argument be made?  Your right to believe is just as valid as others right not to.  Your life of lies is parallel to my own.  A lie believed becomes truth, your truth, a truth that governs justly in your eyes.  Those eyes, those painful eyes, with a stare that tells the story of regret, defeat, and life lived for a lie believed...

Speechless...

The tale of a King

   "Only when Lions have historians will Hunters cease being Heroes." Dr. Carter Godwin Woodson

Who will tell your story?  Who will give an accurate account of all the trials and tribulations you have had to endure to get to the point that you’re at?  Are we ever in a position to write our own history or is that privilege always bestowed to those whose voice reaches further than our own?  Hunters are heroes only because the hunted can’t speak.  Their voices are silenced; their opinions and gripes go unheard.  To be without a voice is an horrible plight, to not be able to communicate your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs; to have to go through life and just take what is given, without the ability to cry out.  Hunters are heroes because they are the ones with a story to tell, they are the ones that can shape and manipulate the harsh truth of reality.

History serves to tell our tale with some level of perspective. I wonder what will it say about our life time, our era.  Those who will be burdened with the privilege of giving the account of our life and times, how will they speak of our accomplishments, our gains, our shortcomings?  For some of us our Lions tale may go unheard, quieted by the voices of those who have ascended to greater platforms.  The only way to insure that your story is told is to make a mark on the lives of those around you.  By making a difference in the lives of others you insure that your name and your story lives on, you make sure they "remember your name".

In this time of blogs, social media, and internet we have more opportunity to speak then ever better, our thoughts, words, and opinions can be voiced and heard with an immediacy that none before us could imagine.  But at what point does your voice just get lumped in with the rest of the noise?  With so many of us shouting from the mountain top, has our voice become lost once again?  

Critical Thinking

Sometimes I just let the words come, no particular order, no particular subject. Just sit down and start typing, I let my brain pour out over the keys with no filters or judgments. In these moments I’m not interested in dissecting a particular topic. I’m not interested in grammar or syntax, word usage or comma placement. I guess it’s these times where I just need to get it out, whatever "it" is. Letting go of my thoughts and clearing some mental space for whatever may come next. Don’t think, just do. Don’t worry about the why, just focus on the what and the how. As the words flow from my brain to this page I think of what you might be thinking as you read them. It’s as if I’m talking to a person that I will never meet about things they could really care less about. After all this time, do they know me, the real me? Do I know who I really am or have I gotten too caught up in appearances? What judgments are being made about my work, about my life, my opinions and thoughts? How do you see me? Am I the man that has done things that I’m not proud of or am I the man that strives to be so much more? I let my mind wander and it found a page. It goes on and on about what life has given or taken away. It speaks of lessons learned, risks taken, loses, victories and half hearted attempts. It has delusions of grandeur, false hope, and glaring insecurities. It lies and tells the truth all at the same time. Its reality is a wonderful fiction and its truth is a lie believed. My mind wanders and it finds the page, it gives you directions to a place that you don’t want to go. It makes judgments of things that would be better off left alone. It reacts in ways that can’t be explained and aren’t justified. It gives you a chance to disappoint and never forgives or forgets. It dreams of times past and the futures presence. My mind wanders and it finds the page...

Where is the Bottom?

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." Mark Twain

Our reality is one of our choosing... The day we believe that what we physically see cannot be altered by a simple thought believed, then it is at that point that we have reached the bottom. When you reach the point where there is no escaping from your reality, your existence becomes your imprisonment. Locked in a cage of the worlds choosing you must live by the means of which other provide. There is no choice, there are no options, there is only the day to day grind of life. But why complain, this is the life you chose, you are the one that settled for only what can be seen from your window. You are the one that let your dreams be murdered by reality and all the things that come along with it. It was you who chose the "easy" route, the path where only the minimal is required and you never will fall but so low and climb but so high. Risk it all and you may lose everything, true, but isn’t that better than residing to the fact that this is all there is? 

Where is the bottom? The bottom is a place void of hope, it is an "I don’t care attitude" about a life that offers three meals a day, a nine to five job, and a one bedroom apartment. The bottom doesn’t allow you to strive, it always discourages, never rewarding risks or faith filled leaps. When you find yourself pretending to be happy with the path of least resistance it is at that point that you have reached the bottom.

A dream believed can serve to alter the universe or change a life.

The sweetest joy

Love. Love of anything. Love of all things. But the love of that one thing... That one thing that wakes you up at night.  It drives you to be a better man.  It makes you come home on time, and not go out with the boys.  This love will push you past the point of cool.  It will force you to choose and then make you realize that you never really had a choice.  The love that requires constant attention.  It needs you and you need it.  The love you would die, live and kill for.  There is no you without it.  A love that conquers your fears and terrifies you at the same time.  The love of another or that one thing.  A want that manifests itself into an obsession.  That lovely burden that is only truly appreciated in its absence.  That thing that answers the why's.  It knows you and you know it.  The love of life, of sport, of passion, of winning. The love of her. The love of you.  The love we shared.  The love we lost.  The love of things to come and all that has ever been.  You do not choose it, no it chooses you.  That love in return.  It forces you to leap and embrace the fall. The love that alleviates doubt and creates suspicion.  LOVE.   It's summer days, frigid winters, and the hope of spring.  It is the joy of pain and happiness but to most it’s known as the sweetest thing...

The Champs are Here!

All things are possible for those who believe...

Legal Rape

So... let’s talk about child support.  A touchy subject, maybe but I swear it needs to be discussed.  This is how child support works, two people sit down either at a mediation or go to court to decide the plan of action on the issue.  Now in Virginia there is a child support work sheet that they plug in both parties income and decide who shall pay the greater percentage of this imaginary figure they have decided it takes to raise a child.  The imaginary figure grows depending on how many factors the female decides to add to the equation, now she needs no proof of these expenditures all she needs is her word... Imagine going to file your taxes and sitting down with the tax professional and discussing deductions that you have no proof of, it would never happen. 

When the female is finished adding all of her real or fake costs of providing a stable household for the child they add that to the number the courts come up with.  Now whoever makes most money between the two parents has to pay the majority of the total cost.  The trick in that situation is that when the man pays for his portion of the amount that has been set, you see the actual money. It comes out of his account or his pocket and there is documentation of the payment but there is no documentation of the portion that the female is supposed to pay.  No, you never see that amount, she can live up to her guaranteed amount or not, the man will never know.  How is this possibly fair?  I pay and you see it but she is supposed to pay and no one will ever know if she did or not.  Not only is there no record of if she paid her portion of the child support, there is also no record of what she did with the portion of support that the man pays.  Who made this system and why hasn’t anyone investigated the fairness of the proceedings?  It blows my mind and it has to be stopped, tweaked, and or modified.

If it’s not about the money, then why is it all about the money?  How is a man supposed to separate himself from the money that is being paid and his "responsibility" to be a father?  It is almost impossible.  The child support paid out may be an amount that is crippling his life style but he is supposed find a way to push that burden aside and do what’s "right"; that is much easier said than done.  Especially in those cases where having the child was a decision totally made by mother and now they feel as if they deserve payment for that decision.  How would you feel if you were being charged for service you never authorized...?  Hello Mr. /Ms. so and so, we are calling to inform you that you are required to pay 650$ a month for HBO.  What?  But I only watched that channel twice as a part of the free preview. But you did watch it, didn’t you…?  

If you have never been through it then you don’t understand how castrating this process has become but for all of the guys out there that share in my pain I know you understand...

WIN-WIN

Where do we go from here? I mean once you have experienced a certain level of success how do perpetuate and then advance?  The boys and I frequently had conversation about how we can advance in the level of success that we have all experienced.  I would always say that I have learned how to lose when I’m winning, I have learned how to lose win I’m losing, and I have learned to win when I’m losing, but I have yet to learn how to win when I’m winning.  I am not a believer in the statement that "success breeds success"; not at all from my experience success tends to bread complacency.  Not many of us out here have the drive to improve on the success that we have experienced, we tend to rest on the things we have done and take those accomplishments as completion.  The greatest feat is to repeat success, to have the mental strength and drive to remain consistent in your efforts to be great. 

Life doesn’t offer many opportunities to rest on what has been done in the past; life is a progressive force that requires adaptation and effort.  We must continue to move forward in order to survive; standing still is the same as walking backwards.  So how do we reproduce success when the things that made us successful the first time aren’t the same things that will guarantee success this time? It’s those who possess an almost obsessive work ethic that seem to be the ones maintaining the highest level of success.  Your level of effort or amount of work is one of the only things you can completely control while on the pursuit of your goals. 

I’m going to take the time to reevaluate my efforts and make certain that I am doing all things possible to increase upon the level of success I have attained.