Coming Home Again...

Who says you can’t come home again? When you’re from the place I called home for six years that statement is absolutely false. I had to come back to the "Beach" today to handle some business and tie up some loose ends. When I got there I naturally stopped by the house to see how the boys were doing and it was like I never left. Door unlocked, pit-bull greeting all intruders, bottles on deck, Gray getting ready for work, Panama on his way home, and the Bird Dog in the kitchen making pancakes (thought he was back at it... lol). It is a great feeling to come back and be treated as if you never left. Good friends are hard to find and I happen to have a few great ones.

Judge Judy

Right is right even if you’re the only one doing it and wrong is wrong even if everyone else is doing it... Our moral compass is always subject to being compromised by life's circumstances, what we go through shapes the things we believe in and it also alters what we feel is right and wrong. This life doesn’t allow for grand sweeping statements of what one should or shouldn’t do, no you have to do what you feel is right for the situation and most importantly for you. Can you live with the weight of your decisions? The mirror on the wall will be the judge of that, sleepless nights and the stress will tell on you before long. Morality is such a fickle thing, it can move and change more often than moon or the tide it affects. To be moral, to judge what is right and to know what is wrong. Where does this ability to decipher between the two exist? Is it our hearts or our minds, is it gut feelings or something more tangible, is it a calculated equation comprised of the sum of our experiences or that innate feeling we get that says to us "this is wrong"? Can that voice that speaks those three words be muffled, can that opinion be skewed due to the cold consequences of reality, the things that are real to "us" or "you" or "me"? Are our actions to be judged by this ever changing compass or are we only supposed to rely on God for direction in this turbulence we call life? Was it "He" who instilled in us what we should know as right or wrong or was it our upbringing that gave us this moral scale to weigh our decisions? Your right is not my own, what you feel about a situation doesn’t affect the morality of my judgment. Each person and each situation will carry its own shade of grey and who is to say that he or she or they are wrong for what they are doing? You? I surely hope not, I hope that a person or people are not the deciding factor in that battle for what is perceived to be right or wrong. No, not our imperfect selves, so flawed and privy to feelings of love, hate, jealousy and envy; no, not you, or me, or anyone else for that matter. We should go to great lengths to not be the one judging from the outside in, we should instead spend that time molding our own circumstances to fit what we believe to be moral and true. Let the man in the arena decide what is the best course of action for his own life and pray that "He" allows you to do the same...

Fight Club

When was the last time you were in a fight? No, not an argument or some level of discomfort that you were able to battle through, I'm talking about an actual fist fight. You know, two or more people meeting and mutually deciding that their will, will be imposed on the other by a physical means.  For those of you out there that would answer never to the previously posed question I feel sorry for you but for those of you out there that read the question and a little smirk crawled over your face when thinking about it, I applaud you lol. 

Being in a fight is one the most accurate mediums of self discovery that life has to offer.  It's a sobering and sometimes a scary thing to find out exactly what you are capable of or not, discovering what you are willing to do to another human being to insure your own safety or just to get your point across. You have no idea what you will do in a fight unless you have been in one, there is no substitute for it, no mental evaluation will give you the answer, not Oprah nor GQ magazine can guide you during this time.  It's a terrifying experience that can result in you feeling more empowered than ever before or humbled to the point that you question who you really are.  

The last time I was in a fight three of my friends and I were jumped at a club by fifteen other individuals.  Have you ever heard the saying "you’re creeping up on an ambush" well this situation was the embodiment of that statement.  Not wanting to go into great detail about the situation I’ll just list some of the events that happened that night.  There were guys being chocked out, guys being hit with chairs, girls with bats, guys with bats, fights in the club, outside of the club, in the streets, under cars, and in bushes, trips to the E.R., bare foot climbs to the top of the clubs' roof, battle cries of "No you aint!" and "It's always worth it", guys being knocked out, girls being knocked out, and guys running to their car for fear of the fight continuing... It was a great night and for those who participated one that will never be forgotten.

In short, a little fight goes a long way...

Baby, I'm a Dreamer

I woke up this morning to a text message from a good friend, she and I share a love of quotes and all things inspirational. She sent me this quote by T. E. Lawrence and it spoke to me all day, I don't know exactly what it is but I find great strength in this very short passage especially the part that states "but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men"... I love that. Hopefully you can find some inspiration in this quote as I did. 

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."

Hope floats

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies" This is a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, it speaks to the power of wanting more and the ability to withstand until you get it. We all have things that we hope for... we hope things get better, we hope our car starts in the morning, we hope our love is returned, we hope tomorrow comes quickly and we hope this moment lasts forever. But how many times have your hopes been realized? How often do we receive the things in which we feel we deserve and want so desperately to obtain? For some, hopes seem to be realized everyday and for others it seems to come at a snail’s pace if at all. What goes into receiving the things we hope for? Is it the work that we put in or the faith that things will come as they are meant, is it a question of luck or the Lords' blessings? 

I don't have the answers to those questions, not for myself or anyone else but I do believe that faith plays a huge part in achieving all that we may hope for. You must have faith in yourself, your work, and that higher power; no matter what name you may give it, it seems to be that those who submit their requests to "him" are often the ones that get the return on their investment. But a simple submission doesn't seem to be enough; it seems to be that a submission plus an almost demanding faith are the two things that must be present for hopes to be realized. A faith that instructs "all the universe to conspire in helping you to achieve it" and a submission that overflows with tireless effort. Our hope for the future will most certainly fall short if it is not paired with the efforts of faith. 

"My hopes come with great certainty that my efforts in faith are enough..."

Not more than whisper

Why do people make it their job to remind you of your past shortcomings? Have you experienced those who at first mention of new plans make it their business to inform you of how things will fall short as they have in the past? They don’t bother to offer up constructive criticism or enthusiasm for what may come, no they just point out all the things that will probably go wrong. These people are dream killers and should be avoided at all cost. No one needs to hear how what they are attempting to do will fall short; dreams are not maintained in that way. Dreams are fueled by optimism and enthusiasm; they feed off of empowered minds and fearless hearts. Our dreams must be protected from the harsh influences of those who deal in words like cant, wont, or realistic. 

We should seek out those who will offer support and give constructive criticism on our future plans. (Emphasis on constructive) There is a fine line between constructive criticism and just criticism and it lies in the hope that you will succeed and not the reasons why you will fail. We all need a support system that will serve as our cheerleaders from time to time. There's no harm in going for it even after you have failed over and over again. 

So like Kanye said "keep your love locked down" and protect your plans from those who would have you fail just to make themselves feel like less of a failure.

Sorry for the wait

Don’t you just love great beginnings?  I think we all do, those initial moments when you first meet someone and there is that quiet thought that enters your mind that says "I like them"...  You don’t know much more than that and you don’t really care to.  You are more than happy to live in that feeling of possibility and discovery.  The point where your conversations are genuine and unforced, there is no frequency about your actions; everything is new and fresh and happening for the first time. 

My boys and I at first glance would not seem to be the sort that would get these fluffy feeling when first meeting a girl but we all do lol. I remember having long conversation about that great build up that leads to finding out what this person is really about.  We'd go on and on about how we like this persons mannerisms and how they talked or looked or dressed, we would say thing like "we love their free spirit" or "she knows how to be a woman".   All of these great things would be presented about this special new someone that we had become enamored with and then something would happen to destroy all of our fluffy feeling about this person, all of the delusions of grandeur would dissipate after this one act... SEX.  

Ladies, if you really want to know how a guy feels about you, have sex with him...  How we act in those moments after sex is how we truly feel, there is no fake engaging conversation just to seem interested or interesting; there are no compliments on your hair or great dialogue about music or politics, nope.  If we don’t mind you laying up under us or staying over after we have sex then we genuinely like you but if we conveniently find something to do or happen to leave the room for an extended period of time or even fake go to work lol then the chances are we don’t.  Our intentions can be judged in that thirty minute window of post sex activities and only in that thirty minute window because any time after that will only show you how we act when we are waiting to have sex.

The longest and most serious relationships I’ve been a part of were with woman whom I had sex with pretty quickly.  Now I’m not saying that because they didn’t make me wait we had a great relationship, I’m saying that because sex was out of the way they got to experience who I really was without the facade of the waiting game.  I didn’t act a certain way or engage in things that I knew I wasn’t interested in just for that sake of having a good date, no, what we did were things I really wanted to do because I really wanted to do them.  Who they really were got to meet who I really was early enough where there was motivation to build something special and real, without the need for representatives or ulterior motives.  Anything a man does  before sex is tainted it’s sad but true and I apologize for myself, my boys, and all mankind but this is the way we are wired and If a man tells you differently they are either lying or waiting to have sex...

Masturbation

I am starting to reevaluate my stance on the moment or I as I often refer to it as the "now".  I have said that we should pay more attention to what is going on right now and worry about the next moment when it gets here.  To live and to operate only in the present circumstance and to never allow our attention to waver to thoughts beyond that. This way of thinking is great for the short burst; it’s a sprinters mentality where each moment requires you to exist only in that space, for the next moment will be here before you know it. But as we have all heard before life is not a sprint it is a marathon and we should all be mindful of our "Pace".  

The funny thing about moments is that they don’t last very long... they fly by whether we take the time to embrace them or not.  What difference does it make if that moment was great or absolutely horrible... it was only a moment and the next one is already here?  I think I put too much stock in making moments things of pleasure and delight, I see now that this is just energy wasted for a feeling that will be fleeting.  Instead time should be spent on making and executing plans for long term satisfaction; a great summer is better than a fun weekend, money saved is more important than dollars tricked, working toward a hall of fame career and not player of the week.   

I’m sure there is a balance between making every moment count and living in the now.  Maybe that’s what living in the now really means, to make every moment count toward achieving your greater goal, to be in constant pursuit of reaching your perfection... 

Going forward I will focus more on plans for the future and not the messy pleasures of the "now". 

Endure

How long will this journey last? Though I do my best to stay immersed in the now sometimes I take a moment to raise my head and ask that question. It seems to be that those steps toward progress are often placed on a path heading up hill. Each step becoming more difficult than the last, making it all too easy to turn around and forfeit any progress made.  They joy of running down hill is always so tempting but seldom as productive as the climb back up.  So when I ask myself "how long will this journey last?' I find that the answer comes in the form of another question, "are you going to quit?" 

If you are not prepared to quit then the length of the journey doesn’t matter.  For all of us the struggle to succeed can end as soon as we want it to, all we have to do is quit trying...  It's really as simple as that, take myself as an example, if I want to get rid of all the obstacles in my way, if I want to alleviate all the stress and wake up tomorrow free of trouble, all I have to do is give up and stop striving to be more.  Problem solved, no more busted tires before work with no spare to put on, no five day bout with some stomach virus, no shorted paycheck from your previous employer, no child support payments, no twelve hour shifts, no job searches, no nothing... Just quit trying and it will all be over with. But I just can’t do it, to me "giving up is way harder than trying", so I deal with all the bullshit that life brings and I will continue to take those steps toward progress because I know my journey will be a long one "but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep..."

Endure - to continue to exist; sustain without impairment or yielding; to hold out against

Mr Hyde

Why is there such a wide disparity between what we want and what we need?  I know all of the things that are good for me; healthy food, water, eight hours of sleep, church, safe sex (if any), designated drivers, I mean the whole nine yards.  But all I want right now is the bad stuff; fast food, vodka, staying up all night, sleeping all day, sex, sex, sex...  Staying on track with what I need to do is a daily battle that I have been winning lately, it’s just those brief moments where I want to rage and go do all the things I once did. What I have learned through countless trials and errors is that brief moments of pleasure can cause you a life time of pain and regret.  Those Vodka hazed nights filled with random sex, fist fights, and drunken dare devil stunts are just not worth it.  I have to suppress "The Beast" lol and know that tomorrow is worth more than tonight.

"Let there be light"

There is power in words.  

The words that come out of your mouth have the power to change the world.  Just think of all the monumental moments in history that were ignited by the words of great speakers;  from Martin Luther King to Abraham Lincoln, from FDR's fireside chats to the rants of Adolf Hitler, words have been the inspiration for building and destroying nations. Words bring immediate emotional responses, when you read the word LOVE it almost instantly makes you think about your most powerful connections to that word.  Because of the power that words hold we must take great caution in which ones we allow to exit our mouths.

Being more positive with what you say can change your life.  Allowing only those positive messages to leave your lips can put you in a state where you feel like you can conquer the world.  Our words have the power to dictate our mood and affect the mood of those around us.  That is why we should guard against being the person who is always the bearer of bad news because over time people will view you as being negative and unpleasant to be around.  Instead we should always speak to the future, we should speak to what could and will be, we should speak to greatness and all things positive. 

I am a firm believer that we actually speak things into existence... Yes, the words that come out of our mouths will manifest into tangible, real things.  I believe that the man that says he can and the man that says he can't are both absolutely correct.  Your words can place limits on what you think you’re capable of or they can unlock abilities that you never knew you possessed. The world will place more than enough challenges in our way; we then should not compound those obstacles by placing verbal parameters around ourselves.  Instead we should use our words to release the many things we have to offer this world and ourselves.

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The Gift and The Curse

My boy Fair once told me "potential is a fancy French word for you haven’t done shit yet" lol.  That might be a little harsh for some but you can't say that it is not true. What does potential mean to you? For a person who has been said to have the potential to do anything, I would say potential is pressure lol another word for we are raising our expectations to the point that if you fail it will be in grand fashion.  Potential is a wonderful thing to have and an awful thing to waste.  I wonder how many of us reach our full potential?  How many people do you know that would answer that question and say "yes, this is the best that I can do"?  I do not think there are many people out there that have pushed to reach their absolute limit and I dare say that if they have then they did not have much potential to begin with.  

I don't ever think I will fully reach my potential and I say this because I don’t think there is a limit to what I can accomplish.  I do not believe that I will get to the point where I say "this is all I have and I don't have anything else to give"... Hell no, I can always push harder, go further, make it better.  In my mind I cannot be stopped, at all... I’m sorry but it is just the truth, well it is my truth.  I don’t do limitations and I can’t fathom that there will ever come a point where I max out on my abilities. Superman has no limits.

Having great potential and a sense of endless boundaries is a great thing but it does not afford you the luxury of making excuses.  People tend to find great joy in proving you wrong or questioning your efforts and the resulting outcomes lol but that’s fine with me.  I know that I can and I guess they wish that they could. 

The cowardly lion

"We choose to live by our dreams and not by our fears” Is it your fears or your dreams that guide you?  To be honest for the longest time I let my fears act as the motivation for my actions, everything I did would be in hopes of never being labeled as a failure.  That fear of failure made me get up in the morning, it made me go to work, it made all my actions justifiable. But being motivated by fear is a dangerous thing because no matter what you do or accomplish it was all rooted in something negative.  Your wins don’t feel like gains they feel like more of a relief, a relief that you didn’t allow your fears to conquer you. Fear can make you do things that you never thought you were capable of doing and it can also take you to depths where you don’t recognize the person you have become.

I think it is much more productive to live by our dreams, to live life for all things you wish to become.  Allow yourself to dream wildly and then put your entire being into the pursuit of your vision.  We should dream as a child does without a care of this world’s cynicism and negativity.  You don’t begin to fly for fear of falling; no you fly for the dream of freedom. When our dreams lead the way what once was seen as impossible now becomes possible.  Our dreams make us limitless and capable of ascending to great heights. 

No longer do I let my fears serve as my motivation, instead I choose to chase my dreams and let them guide my path.

The "Me" you know

Who are you? No, really, who are you?  That is question that can be tough to answer at times.  We tend to put on so many masks and go through so many changes depending on our environment or our circumstances.  This is a survival technique that we have picked up over time, we rarely show people who we really are, and we tend to give them a perverted version of ourselves to satisfy what we think that person might be comfortable with.  Our professional friends know only our work selves, our church friends know only our holier selves, we have friends that call only because we are the life of the party and then we have other people that know us as being the quite one.  There are only a few people in our lives that know us for who we truly are, past the facade and the makeup and the bogus intentions, these people know us to our core.  Those who know us in this manner are the ones that keep us grounded, we can’t fool them with all of the bullshit that can build up over time, no these people know exactly who and what we are and sometimes that can be a little scary.

But what happens when through all of our different faces and masquerades we forget who we really are?  What happens when we start believing the lies we tell others, those moments where you are putting on for who you are around and you begin to believe that this is the real you.  We all act differently when we are in a new place or surrounded by new people, you almost have to if you want to protect who you really are from what they may really think.  The problem with that is you can easily get lost in the shuffle and forget what makes you, you.  Like on The Wizard of Oz when the Wizard says "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" because that's the man you really are, the true you.  

We should all take the time out to do a little introspection and reacquaint ourselves with who we really are... So allow me to reintroduce myself, Hi I'm Benjamin and who are you?

"Will & Faith"

I was watching T.V. today (ESPN of course) and an inspirational commercial came on, I don’t know who the guy is that was speaking but he said something that has really stuck with me, he said "the only thing that stands between a person and what they want in life is the will to try and the faith to believe it's possible".  Wow... isn’t that powerful, I mean that just strikes a nerve in me when I read it.  "Will" and "Faith", what more can you ask for, what more do you need?  The will to put in the work necessary and the faith to believe that your efforts will be rewarded, put both of those things together and you can be whatever you want to be in life.  

I love quotes and I love things that inspire.  I think we can find inspiration is all sorts of things and that inspiration has the power to catapult you to where ever you want to go.  My favorite quote of all time is "you are who you choose to be and in those choices you live"; this quote and the one I heard on ESPN go hand in hand.  They both speak to the power of your convections, the things you are willing to stand up for and pursue relentlessly.  Your life is your choice, your level of success is your choice, and your happiness is your choice.  It may sound cheesy and lame but it is true, we all know people who decide everyday to be in a bad mood and complain about any and everything that goes on and we all see the rewards for that type of attitude.  So it is up to us to choose differently, why not do what it takes to be successful or happy or to live the life you want to live?

I’m choosing to go get it, to go get the life I want, to put forth the will to work for what I deserve. I’m choosing to let go of the societal constraints that tell us what our realistic expectations should be. I’m choosing to believe in myself, in my god, and in the effort I put forth.  "You are who you choose to be and in those choices you live" so choose wisely my friends, your life depends on it.

"Invictus"

There is a big difference between drinking wine and crushing grapes, meaning that before fun and enjoyment can be had there must be some work done.  Taking pride in the process always allows you to enjoy the fruits of your labor.  We should all place a greater focus on the process and less so on the results, one thing that I have learned throughout my life is that if you do what you are supposed to do today then tomorrow will take care of itself.  I remember watching a program on NFL network, they were interviewing a prominent coach and he began to speak about focus and attention to the details of the process, he said "men, don’t think about breakfast when its dinner, don’t think about lunch when its breakfast, all we need to do is focus on the now". I like that, "focus on the now", how many times do we fail to complete a goal just because the task seems too daunting? We do ourselves a disservice by placing so much attention on the end of the journey especially when we haven’t even left the house yet.

"God is in the details" I remember hearing people say that and never truly understanding the meaning.  Now I take it as saying that what is done should be done to completion, not taking shortcuts or leaving loose ends but taking the necessary steps to fully complete the task.  You doing something half ass is more of a reflection of you than anything else, the fact that you would turn in a poorly done project or half ass it through a workout speaks to your character.

Something that I always instill in the boys I work with is that there is no excuse to quit something to start and no excuse for going back on your word. Whether it is from pain, fatigue, scheduling problems or a damn natural disaster when you say you are going to do something you do it, period.  Your reputation means a lot in this world and it should be guarded at all cost.  People will make judgments about your character before they even meet you and you should take the time to make sure that those judgments are positive.  I also tell them frequently that quitters, quit... it’s like a DNA thing, if you are prone to quit then eventually you will.  At some point you will reach your level of discomfort and at that time you will do what you have always done, quit.  Now I know what some of you might be thinking "everyone has a breaking point and nobody has finished everything they have started" and you are absolutely right but it’s about developing a mindset. A mindset that won’t allow you to view quitting or failure as an option, remember "as a man thinketh so shall he become" so if you train your mind to fight through any and all adversity then you will not be burdened by the excuses of quitters.     

So take the time to smell the roses, take pride in the process and above all things, YOU BETTER NOT QUIT. 

Cupid is an Idiot

What’s love got to do with it? Seriously, I’m a person who often says that I would rather be in like than in love.  I have never been in love... I say that because all though I have loved some of the women that I have dealt with I never acted like it when we were together.  It has always been when we are no longer together and I reflect back on that particular situation that I realize that I loved that person.  I don’t know what makes that relationship hurdle such a large one for me?  

I think a number of factors play a role in my perception of love and what exactly it is to a relationship.  I would have to start off by stating the fact that besides my grandparents there is not a married couple in my family and I don’t think love was a part of their relationship for the years I was alive.  I also find it odd that just about every woman I have ever dealt with has told me that they loved me... It’s like once they feel that a certain amount of their check list has been satisfied the next step is love.  In my mind love is more real than that, it has to be... If love is something that can be just tossed around when a person feels satisfied or threatened by loneliness then I don’t want it.  Love should not be a trivial thing, I would always think to myself when a woman would tell me they loved me "how can you love me and you don’t even know me, at all?"

It's said that "love is as love does", if that statement is true then why are there so many dysfunctional relationships out there where one of the participants is holding on because of "love".  If a person isn’t acting like they love you then there is good chance that they don’t.  Love often becomes a thing in our society, a noun like house or cloud.  That is why I say I’d rather be in "like" than in "love", like is a verb, it shows action, it gives attention, it moves.  When love becomes this institution with walls and floors then in my mind it is dead, instead love should flow or sweep through.  It should be powerful and inconvenient, a force you feel that can’t be controlled and will serve as the motivation for your actions.  May be one day I’ll fall in love with a woman and she will fall in love with me but until that time comes I will settle for "like", it seems to be much less confusing.

A New Day

It is an exciting New Day; I have made the transition from a place where I have spent all of my 29 years to a place that will spring board me to the next 29.  It's all ways a since of nervousness when making a move or going from the familiar to the new but that feeling is so exciting.  Like your first day of school or being the new guy in class, it’s a chance to make your mark on people who have never met you and a place you have never been.  

A new place, a new me? Well maybe not a new me just a more ready me... Ready to take advantage of all the things I have learned and the experiences I have survived in my time in the 757.  No more Excursion stories, no more club fights (only on a PRN bases), no more four day drinking binges, no more suspended license, no more "should we take 64 or the boulevard?",  no more fake tags lol, no more "how did we get home?", no more letting the clip ride in the front driveway, no more punching holes in the wall, no more "HRBT", no more being a no call no show because your busy making natural ice mimosas lol, no more "what he do?" and "how he do it?" lol,  no more going shot for shot especially when you’re the only one drinking, no more "I bet you can’t", no more having to say "that was too much", no more "them beach boys"...  

When you live in the same area from kindergarten to college you build up a sense of comfort and through the years that sense of comfort turns in to a dependency.   I am definitely going to miss my old stomping grounds, it gave me the tools to handle anything that life may throw at me but it is time to move on so today is truly a New Day. 

The Pursuit

It’s funny how a moment of thought can give you exactly what you need to move past whatever might be plaguing your efforts at that moment.  To sit down, stop, and think about what you need to do and more importantly what you don't.  Last night I was up until about 5am, I couldn't go to sleep and just became restless in my own thoughts.  But instead of watching T.V. or taking something to go to sleep (i.e. internet porn lol) I got up, turned the light on in my room and just sat there deep in thought.  My mind ran through a number of different subjects, all types of things that were clouding my thoughts.  Things like me moving out of an area that I have spent my entire life living in, my friends and family, my much needed commitment to working out and living a healthier life style, my daughter and our lack of a relationship, her mother and the rage that builds up when I think about that situation...

Sorting through these thought allowed me to regain my perspective on all that is happening in my life.  Now I didn't say that I came to a conclusion on each point but I do feel more confident about the path I have chosen.  What I have come to realize is that all of these things that go on in our lives, whether they be good, bad, self inflected or situational, all of it is part of the Pursuit...  The steps we take toward where ever we are trying to go, that path we follow or blaze, whether we feel its destiny or fate that guides us, it’s all a part of the Pursuit.  

In the Bible it talks about how we should all pursue wisdom instead of knowledge, for wisdom can only be gained through Christ where as the pursuit of knowledge will immerse you in this world of sin.  Pursuit.  Every year in the sports world there is talk about the pursuit of perfection and then once all the teams have lost the conversation goes back to the pursuit of a championship.  Pursuit.  Our New Year resolutions are all about pursuing a goal that will make us better in this year than the one that has just passed.  Pursuit.  

Thinking about the concept of Pursuit helped me put my mental check list back in order because I know that when you are chasing something, nothing else really matters but that one thing. All other events, thoughts, mishaps, and hurdles just become a part of your Pursuit...

Brain Storm

I have had the hardest time writing lately....  My English teacher in high school once to told me that "to write well you have to think clearly" and for a while now my mind has been going in a million different directions.  Focus and clear thoughts have not been a part of my vocabulary as of late and this is not a normal thing for me.  I am a person who does a great job at compartmentalizing things, sometimes to a fault... I can usually put things in their proper place and keep a perspective on just about any and everything that is going on but lately I have not been able to get my mind right.  I’m not quite sure why my brain is filled with all this clutter... I am going through a transition with my job, location, money, and personal relationships but I didn’t think all of that would affect me as much as it has.

I’m sure this mental overcast won’t last long but I am really surprised it has been able to affect my day to day life.  Its seems to be such an easy and frequent occurrence to lose your way when you are trying to walk that "straight and narrow" lol I don’t know who named it that but they nailed it.  The "straight and narrow", it leaves no room for freelancing or veering off course, it lets you know that the best thing for you will be to stay on the path you’ve chosen and monitor your every step.

While I’m in this mental fog I need to make sure that I take the time to properly address all of the things that have been running through my mind and once I have done that I’m sure it will be back to business as usual.  Superman just needs his fortress of solitude for a while lol