S.E.W.

"It's like screaming and no one can hear.  You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing.  No one will ever understand how much it hurts.  You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you.  And when its over and its gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back just so you can have the good..."


Have you ever regretted the way a situation ended, well to be more specific, have you ever wanted a person back?  Ever had that feeling of want that is so intense that you can damn near taste it in the back of your throat.  It becomes more than a feeling, it's almost like your body is going through a detox and it hurts.  That pain of loss you feel when someone has passed but this person is alive and well, they're just not yours anymore.  


The feeling of hopelessness when you realize that there is nothing you can do to get that person back.  The pain of finding out that they have now moved on and it's no longer you  that makes her laugh or smile.  You are no longer the person that she would do anything for, you are no longer the man she craves from the time her eyes open until the time they close at night.  To know that this feeling is self inflected because you are the one that drove her away and you're the one that first caused her to experience the same pain you feel now. But now, that pain is yours to feel, your burden to bare.  


What happens when you realize that the person that was perfect for you has found that perfection in another?  Do you wish them the best knowing that they deserve to be happy?  Or do you fight that feeling of hopelessness and know that one day she will be yours again?  But is that something you really know for certain or is that just your last hope, the thought you keep in your heart so that some small part of her will always be there? 


What do you do when you are the cause of your own pain...?